Homeschooling and Socialization - How Does it Happen?

“But what about socialization?”  That is a question that I have been asked countless times when I say that I homeschool and I know that nearly every homeschooler encounters this question.  That one question causes the most stress for parents and has caused many to not homeschool or to quit homeschooling.  So, should homeschoolers really be this concerned about socialization?  I say NO!

When people ask this question, they have a picture of what socialization looks like.  They think socialization means sitting in a classroom with 30 other children of the exact same age as the only way to socialize.  This isn’t true socialization.  First, those kids in schools don’t have a lot of time or freedom to even socialize.  The school schedules are full and they are not allowed to talk in class.  Second, schools create cliques of kids who only hang out with kids exactly like them.  It is not a melting pot of children.  It is a bunch of small cliques within a building.  Third, in the “real world”, we do not socialize in large groups of people the exact age as ourselves.  We socialize with people of all types and all ages.  Life doesn’t group us based on our age; we all mix together based on where we are at (school, stores, groups, etc). 

Many homeschoolers though feel they have to defend this question by overcompensating in the socialization department.  They sign their kids up for billions of homeschool co-ops, homeschool sports, homeschool play groups, homeschool activities, and so on and so on.  So many homeschoolers are truly never home!  They are running activity to activity and never getting a break because they fear socialization.  They want to make sure they can prove their children are well socialized.  I am not saying that these activities are bad because I don’t think they are, however, it is too much.  Homeschooling moms need downtime.  Homeschooled kids (and all kids) need downtime.  They shouldn’t spend all day running around and wearing themselves out.  They need time to explore, relax, create, and imagine.  They need time with family.  They need to be kids and be free.  Another issue with all these activities is that the socialization is often the same as in school – the same age groups in a structured environment.  That isn’t real life socialization.

So how do I address socialization?  Well, I don’t.  My kids are not locked up in some castle never around other people.  However, they don’t do a lot of structured activities either.  They get their socialization the same way I do – in real life.  They get socialized though everyday activities at home, Church, stores, appointments, parks, museums, festivals, libraries, online, and around the neighborhood.  They socialize with neighbors, strangers, friends, and family of all ages.  They don’t know about cliques and they like to be around all types of people.  They are in small groups and large groups.  They are in Christian groups and non-Christian groups.  They socialize just fine without structured activities and without school.  When I think of socialization, I don’t worry about how much they are socializing; I think about what skills they have that will help them be great at real life socializing.  Are they kind, respectable, honest, friendly, play well with others, work as a team, can lead, confident in themselves, accepting, nonjudgmental, and compassionate?  That is what I think about when I think socialization.

Homeschoolers shouldn’t stress about socialization unless they are truly isolated and never around a variety of people.   Most homeschoolers don’t fall into that category.  Structured activities can be great but they can also be overused.  Take time to live life and avoid over scheduling.  Let your kids meet people of all ages and cultures.  Teach them to be kind, compassionate, and to respect others.  Lead by example and be the person that you want your children to be.  Teach them to stay strong to their values but never put down others.  Lastly, learn to ignore other people’s ignorant comments about homeschooling and socialization.  Trust me, your children will be just fine and plenty socialized!